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Submitted by: James Wallis
Even if your loved one is not around anymore, you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself and move on, because nobody else can do it for you ultimately. In the following, we are going to look at some of the ways in which divorce affects our lives. There is no way to average this, of course, as the impact differs from person to person.
The Positive and the Negative
Like everything else that is of earth-shaking importance in our personal lives, divorce too has positive and negative impacts. And like everything else that is human, there are no solid black and white divisions here. A potentially harmful effect can give us the strength that we did not know we possessed and make us turn a new leaf. Similarly, what seemed to be great as a starter may soon grow to be a curse rather than a boon, bringing in more sorrows than it was supposed to eliminate. The factors cited below are, therefore, double-edged swords, and how we look upon them depends on our set of personal circumstances.
Loneliness and Lack of Intimacy
Being lonely and being alone are not the same. One may find solitude peaceful and like a balm, on the other hand, it can grow to a deafening silence at times. We all crave for the human warmth of another fellow creature beside us when we are physically or emotionally lonely. Many divorcees fear returning home at night as they see the long, dark, endlessly lonely nights stretching into the distance. One can be terribly lonely in a crowded pub surrounded by friends, or in a quiet room with no one around. Overcoming this gnawing emptiness is everyone s personal mission; support groups may be helpful up to an extent, but the mind has to be managed by ourselves. Pets, children or adopting children may also help. Work is also a good energiser.
Division of Income and Assets
According to a survey, divorce affects the average British citizen more thoroughly than disease or bereavement. The number of people who have applied for bankruptcy due to divorce has gone up too. The general problem that afflicts more than 60% of the divorcees is the management of heavy loans including quickly taken personal loans that can cause a lot of complications. The next great problem is that of housing. The asset whose division causes maximum problems is the residence. One spouse usually stays back in the house, while the other has to move out. The burgeoning property prices in the UK has prevented most divorcees from buying apartments of their own, resulting in a hike in the rentals in some areas in the prime cities. It is highly advisable that you plan the financial implications of divorce well in advance so that you are not left suddenly helpless and fending for yourself, and even worse, your children as well.
Single Parenthood and Custody
Children are very important to their parents and, sometimes, so important that they become the weapons in a battle between two grown-ups. Joint custody may be a solution, but is a bad idea if the parents continue bickering, using their children as spies, forcibly change their daily schedules to suit each household etc. Single custody with visitation rights is the hottest area of fighting in divorces, and once the decisions have been taken, it may be very difficult for the single parent to cope with the sudden burden of bringing up a child alone. Maintenance dues may not be cleared on time, and the Child Support Agency is not always successful in bringing the errant parent to book. Custody has its own heartaches as no parent can define what is enough time for having a healthy relation with one s own offspring. Children need both parents to have balanced minds, but do they have a choice?
New Relations and Affairs
There is no use in holding on to a tattered old relation after the divorce is over and done with. New relations and affairs can be heaven or hell, depending on the persons involved. But it is true that some amount of socialising is needed after divorce; otherwise one may slide into an easy bout of depression.
What is freedom? For some, it translates to evenings of partying, for some it means a better career, and for some, chances of brining up children better.
About the Author: James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see